The Shawshank Flaw (men’s height), Kris Humpries Punching Above His Weight & The Nostalgic Power of Music

I am not old, I feel it sometimes. That would probably be attributable to all the horrible things I’ve done to my body over the years and even as I type this I’m nursing a broken ankle. I took a bad fall playing basketball with a couple of kids. Not in a pedo way, just that I’m over competitive and challenged them. I won, even playing on a broken ankle, just because I’m a fucking warrior.

Music plays a colossal role in everyone’s lives, well not everyone but at least 98% of the people I know (we’ll get back to this later). So do films; but this isn’t about films. Just one observation, well someone pointed it out to me. In, one of the greatest films ever made, The Shawshank Redemption (1994) how can Andy Dufresne (played by Tim Robbins) fit into Warden Norton’s (played by Bob Gunton) suit at the end of the film; after his tunneling-through-shit jail break. Tim Robbins is apparently between 6’4” and 6’5”, Bob Gunton is apparently 6’1”. The point is I’m 6’1” and there’s no way in hell a suit tailored for a man 3 to 4” shorter than me would fit. Other than that, it’s a fucking great film.

Since we’re on the topic of height and I being a young man, which means everything is a competition, even height. Here is a list of people the same height as me, this probably only interests me but, I am the same height as; Rainn Wilson, Timothy Dalton, Russell Brand (I thought he was a lot taller), LL Cool J, Brendan Gleeson, Saddam Hussein (Yes, really), Jim Carrey, Enrique Iglesias, Johnny Cash, Jeremy Sisto (one of my favorite actors!), The Ultimate Warrior, Bill Murray (another one of my favorite actors!), Arnie, Jay Z (my homie, we own the New Jersey Nets together), Chris Martin, Daniel Day Lewis, Tony Parker (the French basketball player. Complete mad shagger, used to me married to Eva Longoria) and this one’s my favorite, Till Lindemann of Rammstein!

Speaking of the New Jersey Nets, their below average Power Forward Kris Humphries just married the hot Kardashian, I say hot she ins’t that hot but there is a sex video of her on line.  He’s a below average basketball player, she’s a talentless whore; they’re perfect for each other. Vegas has set the over/under at 3.5 months; I’ll take the under.

Music is really fucking powerful; the emotions some songs evoke are fucking ridiculous. Obviously I can only use myself as an example, this is just an example of a diverse range of songs which evoke a certain amount of emotion.

I’ll start with a manly sport one. It’s one of those songs that when I hear it I instantly have to go on youtube and watch this clip of Tim Thomas decking one of the Sedin twins from this past Stanley Cup Finals .
I’m not Irish, nor from Boston so I don’t know why this song turns me into a testosterone filled animal.

This one is a fair bit sentimental.
I remember when my Grandmother was in hospital, I was about maybe sixteen. She wasn’t feeling great, I recently began listening to the Rolling Stones, I told her, she asked me if I had this song, I did, she listened and belted it out like a fucking trooper and that’s with chronic COPD.  Two years later at her funeral, I got to chose the song when everyone was leaving; my Mum wanted Westlife, I said fuck that and blasted The Rolling Stones; Hey, hey, you, you, get off of my cloud! 

Eighteen years of age, living on my on in Dundee. Edith Bowman night at Dundee Student Union, still holds up as the best night out I’ve ever had. The hangover the next day also holds up as the worst I’ve ever had.

I lost my virginity to this song. T’was the 15^th of December 2004, it was a Friday. I couldn’t really get it up. The sex finished before the song did.

May or may not remind me of a certain young woman breaking my heart. YOU BITCH!

Before I moved to London last year, I watched Guy Ritchie’s films nearly every night. I was going to write something really spiteful about that situation, but fuck it, I’m not in the mood. Just a resounding FUCK YOU to a handful of people; you know who you are, I hope you die in a fucking fire.

I first heard this song by chance on the school bus on the way home in early 2005. I remember listening to it about four times during that journey, ignoring all my friends and my girlfriend at the time, the song just caught me and ever since it has been my favorite song, upon discovering that song Nine Inch Nails quickly became my favorite band and still are. I even have a ‘NIN’ tattoo on my right wrist, I do regret that a little bit now.

Anyway, I’m only posting this because I am too scared to voice my opinions on the London riots. In all honesty I am not from the correct socioeconomic background to really understand how these kids feel. Let this man explain, be warned he speaks the truth;